Home > Current Affairs > If Obama can win a Nobel, I also can…

If Obama can win a Nobel, I also can…

Say what you want about whether President Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. His acceptance speech was an effective combination of humility—”I do not view it as a recognition of my own accomplishments”—and political savvy. From now on, everything he does will have an indirect stamp of the world’s most sought-after prize.

09:00AM Breaking news:
US President and Nobel Peace Prize winner Barack Obama is meeting now with his Advisors to discuss strategy in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

12:00PM Breaking news:
In exactly an hour, the US President and Nobel Peace Prize winner Barack Obama will host a lunch for United States FBI and CIA functionaries along with their families.

05:00PM Breaking news:
A short while from now, US President and Nobel Peace Prize winner Barack Obama will be addressing the G8 minister on the latest series of UN sanctions to be imposed.

More than anything, the abstract justification offered by the Nobel Committee Chairman was anything but clear. And Obama has used that also to his advantage.

If the Nobel Committee couldn’t explain the rationale, Obama decided to do that for himself: “I will accept this award as a call to action – a call for all nations to confront the common challenges of the 21st century.”

Wow… more than anything, that single statement has rekindled a long-forgotten dream in the deepest realms of my mind – the dream of winning the Nobel. If Obama has got this prize for something he is expected to do, why the heck can I not get it.

I will leave the choice of the prize to the Nobel Committee… but if they give me an economics prize, I will go and create some revolutioning economic theory within the next 3-4 years or if they give me the peace prize, I will marshall resources to distribute the white dove and the white flag everywhere…. and better still, if they give me the prize for medicine, I will develop a 100% cure for swine flu.

Anyways, not taking away whatever little credit the Nobel Committee deserves, they have indirectly done an immense help by choosing Obama – they have ensured that he doesn’t go to war atleast during his term at the White House. This is like the typical case of tipping the waiter right as you enter the restaurant so as to ensure good service rather than experience the service (good/bad) and then decide on tipping them.

Now, shifting our eyes to the money that came with the prize…. Obama made sure that he spreads the wealth around: “This award is not simply about the efforts of my administration — it’s about the courageous efforts of people around the world. And that’s why this award must be shared with everyone who strives for justice and dignity.”

I am also striving for justice and dignity in whatever manner I can for whichever cause I can, so I need my share from the $1.4 million prize money.

Am waiting….


Almost everyone is shocked and amused that President Obama will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize this year, less than 9 months into his first term. People think it’s a mistake and very premature to give him an award before he has done anything meaningful. I vehemently disagree. The Nobel Committee’s mistake has been to give him only that one prize. This should have been a year of a total Obama sweep.

This horrendous mistake can be at least partially atoned for by announcing him the winner of the Economics prize next week. The Swedish bank should take note. He rolled out the biggest stimulus package in history and managed to stimulate the economy by spending just a fraction of it! He caused a shocking (although temporary) upswing in GM’s year-on-year sales figures for a couple of months! And he has managed to convince the smartest man in the world (himself) that he can spend trillions on everything and yet reduce the deficit, a miracle that defies the laws of math. How can some bald, bearded, bespectacled professors whose achievements are limited to academic journals, ever compare to such achievements in Economics?

The Literature prize should also have gone to him. He has written two books – both bestsellers and books that served as launchpads for the most remarkably historic election win in human history. Anyone can write books that launch revolutions. But books that launch campaigns? How could the committee have overlooked that? Herta Muller’s writings depict the “landscape of the dispossessed”, they say? Obama’s books have made most of the country act like they are possessed!

Now we come to Medicine. Obviously! Like duh! Healthcare reform! Winners of the Medicine prize are usually recognized for one idea or that. Obama has had so many ideas on healthcare in the last 2 years. He went from talking about a single payer system, to talking about a Congress-like plan for America, to supporting a public option, to spurning a public option, to whatever he thinks should be done now. If the Peace prize is meant as encouragement or impetus for what he is trying to do, the same logic could have worked for healthcare reform. I don’t see how anyone other than the President deserved this prize.

Physics is next. This might seem like a bit of a stretch, but bear with me here. You, the reader, might not agree, but I am sure the Nobel Peace Prize committee will back the soundness of my argument. Think about the laws of motion. The first one. In the absence of force, a body maintains its state of rest or motion in straight line at constant speed. Obama, not through his research, but through his behavior, has debunked this so-called law. Without anyone applying any force or pressure whatsoever, he has seamlessly changed the direction of so many of his policies. Don’t-ask-don’t-tell was, he said as a candidate, something that is not just morally wrong, but practically wrong, and should be repealed right away. Nine months later, he seems to be traveling in the opposite direction. The same story with torture, rendition, personal privacy, limits on executive power, and so on. A remarkable 180-degree shift without any force being applied. Screw you, Newton! Physics Nobel for Obama!

Chemistry is, admittedly the hardest. And after contriving phony reasons for all these prizes, I am as mentally exhausted as the Peace prize committee must have been after crafting their press release. So I am just going to say….. he catalyzed the whole nation and indeed the whole world with his election. Catalysis – chemistry – give him the effing prize already.

And don’t think I have forgotten about the Fields Medal. By not getting anything meaningful done after having huge majorities in both chambers of Congress, he has dealt a telling blow to the universally accepted mathematical canard of “Majority”. But that can wait until he gives 2 full years worth of empirical evidence of being able to do anything even with those huge numbers.

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  1. the
    October 13, 2009 at 8:17 am

    Yes you can!

    • October 13, 2009 at 9:33 am

      How I wish I can…. and yes, I’ve indeed made it easier by offering a larger playing field to the Nobel Committee.

  2. April 17, 2010 at 12:11 am

    Moid bhai, after reading this, I have already started looking forward to your Nobel party…

  1. October 13, 2009 at 7:57 am

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